God grant me the Senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I am older, here’s what I have discovered:
I started out with nothing,
and I still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned into
prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together,
now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don’t remember being
absent minded …
All reports are in;
Life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost,
where is it?
It is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser.
Some days you’re the dog;
some days you’re the hydrant.
Kids in the back seat
Accidents in the back seat
– cause kids!
I wish the buck stopped here;
I sure could use a few …
It’s hard to make a comeback
when you haven’t been anywhere.
Only time the world beats a path to your door
is when you’re in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes,
he would have put them on my knees.
When I’m finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone decide to play chess?
It’s not hard to meet expenses …
The only difference between a rut
and a grave is the depth.
These days I spend a lot of time thinking
about the hereafter …
I go somewhere to get something
and then wonder what I’m here after!