I’m the life of the party … even when it lasts ’till 8pm.
I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.
I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid …

I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you’re saying.
I’m very good at telling stories … over and over and over and over.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I’m so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care …
I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, politicians …
I’m positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.
I’m wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that’s just my left leg!
I’m having trouble remembering simple words like … uh ….
I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.
I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I’m in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CD’s, IRA’s, AARP …

I’m wondering if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 50?
I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
I’m supporting all movements now … by eating bran, prunes and raisins.
I’m a walking storeroom of facts … I’ve just lost the storeroom.

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